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Episode 6: Jen Kirkman
"Episode 6: Jen Kirkman" is the sixth episode of the Ronna & Beverly podcast. Hosted by Ronna Glickman and Beverly Ginsberg, the guest is Jen Kirkman. Intro Song Over Ronna's protests, Beverly opens the episode by singing about the podcast to the tune of the "'Batman' theme". She sings the song as "Dun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh Podcast! Neh neh neh neh neh buh dum bum bum Batman!" Firsts This is the first episode where Beverly talks about missing 9/11. It's also the first episode where she talks about the human condition. In this episode, she says "The human condition does not apologize." (In later episodes, this statement will take some other forms.) This is also the first episode where she lists the triplets by name. This is also the first episode where Beverly talks about how the n word would be cute if it didn't mean what it means. Ronna & Beverly's World Early in the episode, Ronna says she and Beverly have already spent seven hours together today and have a dinner later. She thanks god that Beverly is going to her sister in New Jersey tomorrow. Beverly clarifies she's going to see her sister-IN-LAW. She explains that she no longer speaks to her brother Marvin, but she does talk to his ex-wife. She says her estrangement from her brother is a very sensitive subject. She cautions people not to talk to him because he's crazy, and she's not, and he knows. He knows exactly why she doesn't talk to him. She instructs, "World, if you run into Marvin, look him in the eye and say, 'What you did is beyond the devil.'" Even Ronna doesn't know the specifics. Beverly explains that there's a part of the body that responds very poorly to that kind of touch by a relative. When Ronna asks if she's suggesting that her brother touched her inappropriately, Beverly replies, "All I'm suggesting is what I've suggested and nothing beyond those suggestions." Beverly is very distracted during her conversation with Ronna because she can see Ronna's neighbor through the window. She calls Ronna's neighbor Gloria Spaghetti. Ronna calls her Gloria Albaghetti. She has been Ronna's neighbor for 12 years. When Beverly makes her distaste for Gloria clear, Ronna says that Gloria has been nothing but a triple-a rated neighbor. She brings the paper in. She doesn't read her mail. (A reference to the previous episode.) Whenever she makes pignoli, she brings Ronna a few. Beverly says she could brush up on her consideration, her etiquettes. She goes on to explain that the last time she saw Ronna, she brought Ronna peonies from her back garden. She walked past Gloria, and Gloria said "Aren't those beautiful flowers?" So Beverly gave her two flowers. Much to Beverly's dismay, Gloria did not send a thank you note. She said thank you at the time, but it's not real, Beverly explained, unless there's a thank you note. That's how Beverly grew up. Gloria probably didn't learn that Ronna says that Gloria is a wonderful neighbor. Beverly says that Gloria hasn't cleaned the front porthole window in a very long time. The theme music plays as they move to the interview with Jen Kirkman, who is from Needham, Massachusetts. As part of the conversation, Beverly reveals that she missed 9/11. On 9/10 at 11:59 PM she couldn't sleep so she took an Ambien (It wasn't called Ambien at the time.) She woke up with a start about 4 AM and raided her own fridge like a bear. She forgot that she had taken an Ambien so she took another one. She woke up at 5:15 PM on September 11th. She turned on the TV and wondered what the hell was going on. She thought she was watching Independence Day. She checked her machine. No one had called to check on her whereabouts (despite the fact that she was in Boston). She says that while some people complained about them showing the footage over and over again, she was grateful that they did. At another point in the conversation, when Ronna questions her strange behavior, Beverly says that Julie Klausner gave her a Klonopin. When discussing how Jen Kirkman doesn't want to have children, Beverly shows Jen Kirkman a picture of the triplets Carston, Braden, and Daisy. Beverly explains there's something wrong with Daisy. You can't tell in the picture, she says. She has a palate problem. Ronna says you can absolutely tell. There's a puddle of drool at Daisy's feet. Beverly shows Jen Kirkman another picture. She describes the scene. This one had a pooey accident. The other two thought "cookies!" Everyone made a mess. They took one picture before they cleaned them up. Later in the conversation, Beverly mentions that she once walked in on Lainie changing her pad. It was the size of a mattress, like an army cot, Beverly describes. Lainie took one army cot, drenched, out of her pants and tried to wrap it up in toilet paper, but she ran out of paper. So it was like a giant roll. Like a haystack from a Monet painting. Beverly told her to take it outside and put it in the garbage bin, she didn't want that in her bathroom. At that point, they were out of giant pads. So Lainie took an unused roll of Bounty paper towels and shoved it in her pants. Ronna responds to this story with a question, "Has anyone told you you're a horrible mother?" The theme music plays as the interview ends. Afterwards, Beverly says that it's not Gloria's fault, and she forgives her. She wants to close the book and move on, and she will do that with one word: "mafioso." Ronna tells her that's bigoted. Italians are part of a network of criminals, Beverly explains. There are gaps in judgment and teaching. Mafioso isn't a dirty word, she explains. Then Beverly goes on to use several more slurs, including guinea, kike, and the n word. Beverly talks about how it's a shame the n word is a slur. It's actually a cute word, she says. Like Tigger. If she had a little black cat, she might call it the n word. In her mind. Ronna insists that she stop saying the word. Beverly says that if the word were powerless, it would be a cute name for a cat or a parakeet, a bright yellow parakeet. It would be cute. Ronna is enraged. They thank their schleps and give an email address for people to use if they want to communicate with them (shalom-at-ronnaandbeverly-dot-com). Category:Episodes